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Tomorrow is gay pride in the hudson valley and while I feel very gay I will not be going. I am working as I do every weekend so I'm going to miss the march down Main Street of New Paltz. With intentionality I will be skipping the post-march dance party extravaganza. I don't know if I can do a dance sober. I dont know if I want to. I don't know I want to do pride here with my small handful of gay friends here. I also dont know if I can go to any of these events with the woman I was dating.

I love pride. I always have but in my last years doing pride I was most satisfied, not when I was partying and making out with strangers but when I was doing events at Babeland. Connecting with the community and using our resources to share our positive energy nad mission with the broader community. Going back to pride as a spectator now seems kind of empty to me. I dont think marching or going to a dance party is going to do anything for me.

I feel gay. But work and climbing trump all these days. So while tonight I took a rest day today. I feel compelled to climb (or run) tomorrow. The thought of letting days go by without activity make me restless and sad. I spent much of May running often in the rain while climbing seemed impossible due to the shitty weather. I have committed to making the best of June and climbing whenever I can as much as possible. If this means a few hours on a rainy day I am doing it. If means a couple of hours before dark I am there. I got out 4 times this week - 4 out of 5 days and feel so much more confident on the rock.

Climbing is not like riding a bike. You dont do it you get soft. You muscles remain strong but your mind body connection with the rock feels less organic and whole. You need to keep you "lead head" strong and sharp. You need to keep you body limber and strong. You need to keep growing and developing your skills and applying yourself especially since my goal is t0 be a guide.

There is also a deep love and respect I have for what I am doing too that needs to be satisfied. Every day I climb I feel lucky. Every climb I do I feel proud of. Every partner I rope up with I feel love for.

The past two days have been great as I shared the sharp end with queer friends from BK. It was great to hang out and have some many interwoven layers of connectedness. It was also great to share some of my knowledge and experience, teaching them some climbing skills.

Today I feel wonderful at work doing things i love and lucky to have an amazing community around me. I also feel love and sadness on a day like today when two climbers I have never met go missing in China along with a videographer. These guys could be me or my friends. I feel for them. Pray in my own not religious way for them. And also for there friends and family at home in Colorado. I am thinking of friends in Alaska right now and getting ready for there next climb in the morning. I want them to have fun. be safe, be strong and have lots of fun.