brooklyngoilnnp

I suppose it was just one of those days. weeks. I woke feeling off. Just off.

Is it the weather? Fuck this fucking weather. I fucking hate it. Hate it. Weeks and weeks over a month of fucking rain. The only good thing and granted its a good this is the spring has been cool. I appreciate this as I am not a fan of sultry ny summers.

My dog has me in a bit of a state of worry. We've had an easy spring but summer is looming. And summer has never been a good time for my dog. She's had urinary tract issues since she was fixed. She losses control and pees on herself. Its sad. Maybe I should have persued a medical solution early on in her life. But its only been in the past few years that the issues become more pronounced. These days it happens at least once a week. Intellectually I understand its not her fault. But it makes me so mad when it happens. She pees on my couch. My bed. Her bed. My car. My car happened friday night. After it happened Thursday afternoon.

It suxs. At this stage I can just love her, take car of her and do the best I can. Some days its so frustrating I hate myself at how angry I get at her. I love her beyond words and yet at those moments i am angry and hateful. And I have little compassion for myself when I see blood red.

So I was stressed. Then I scrapped my neighbors car with my car. I was pulling out of my parking stop. Its an awkward angle and the back of her car was angled towards mine. And I fucked up. And I'll pay for it. Turns out she's away and doesnt even know yet.

Lastly at the end of the day I had some technical problem at work. I was having problem with the safe and after a day of stress. I really did not need this. I hate to feel incompetent and here I was feeling terribly incompetent. My work tends of have lots of these kinds of technical problems each summer. It often happens at the end of the day. And I have to say it always makes me feel shitty about myself. It shouldnt. I intellectually understand this but it does. I feel like an adult child. An incompetent failure.

fuck me.